Dara's Blog

In the state of Maryland early voting has begun and people are heading to the polls to cast their votes.  Every time there is a significant election, especially a presidential one, it can bring up a lot of anxiety about the state of our country and even our world.  This anxiety is often just an added layer to the day-to-day things we are already managing and experiencing.  My experience has shown that most people are struggling with a sense of helplessness during this time.  There feels like there is so much out of our control when it comes to elections.  Yes, we can vote but that often feels like a small impact when the stakes can be so high.  Some helpful tips to try and lean into are:

-        Take breaks from media.  Do your research and stay informed but reading the same news from multiple media sources is just reinforcing the anxiety.  Also, be aware of what you are looking at, make sure it is reputable news sources and not just TikTok videos making predictions.

-        Take care of yourself.  Get outside, take a walk, exercise, bake, read, or whatever helps you feel more regulated.  This is a time to lean into self-care and self-compassion.

-        Connect with others.  We always feel less alone and less lost and uncertain when we are touching base with others. It often normalizes our feelings which can lead to a decrease of anxiety.  Talking with others gives us a chance to share our thoughts, feelings, and worries.

-        Get involved in your community.  The best way to decrease anxiety is to do something.  Find an issue you feel passionate about and research it.  Find ways big or small to get involved and support this issue.  Doing something on any level gives us a sense of power.  Yes, the actions of one individual can make a difference and often we are not even aware of how significant that difference can be to someone else.

Give yourself permission to recognize this can be stressful and difficult time.  There are moments in life that just feel hard and we are all doing the best we can.  For the next few weeks, let that be enough.

The longer I practice social work and maybe just the longer I am on this planet, I have appreciated more and more leaning in the simpler acts that provide the most benefit.  While it seems so obvious and basic, I notice having more and more conversations with clients about the benefits of getting outside.   The structure of our world keeps us inside too much through work, school, and being tired at the end of the day.  We take for granted the benefits of being in nature.  An article by WebMD (https://www.webmd.com/balance/ss/slideshow-health-benefits-nature) stresses some of the benefits such as vitamin D, which is good for your immune system and sunlight keep serotonin levels up.  Being outside is a natural anxiety reducer.  According to this article being outside improves self-esteem, and creativity.  

Being outside can be a very grounding experience, it connects our bodies, minds and five senses.  We get to smell the grass and flowers, we get to touch the tree, we feel the sunlight, we hear the birds and bugs, we feel our lungs expand as we breath fresh air.  Being in nature for at least a few minutes a day is often a pretty simple way to help quiet our brains, check in with our bodies, and give a moment to appreciate all the beauty around us.  As I continue to say to more clients these days, lets go outside and sit in the grass.

Cognitive dissonance is a theory that describes the discomfort that occurs when a person's beliefs, attitudes, or behaviors are inconsistent. This discomfort can lead people to try to reduce the inconsistency, which can manifest in a variety of ways.  I am taking some liberty with this definition as I reflect on summer

As a child, summer meant NO SCHOOL and endless play, camps, staying up late, freedom and no homework.  For so many reasons this mentality has stuck in my brain the minute June rolls around. I tell myself, there will be freedom, play, no school (well, at least that is right), and endless games.  In reality, I am a grownup with a job, family and continued responsibilities.  My beliefs about summer often contradict my realities, sometimes leading disappointment.  I have been an adult for much longer than I have been a child and yet it is always surprising what sticks.  Learning how to cope and manage when our wants and desires (attitudes) do not match up with our realities (behaviors) can often feel overwhelming and sometimes lead to sadness.  When I work with clients, I want to give them space to respect and acknowledge and accept these feelings.  We have a right to sit with the feelings of dissonance no matter the circumstance.  The challenges are how to adapt our perspective to match our reality in a way that may not create disappointment.  As an adult, what are the positives of our current realities?  Changing our perspective on a situation can give it a whole new meaning and often help us feel calmer and maybe more optimistic about the spaces we currently occupy.  Instead of looking at what we are missing out on, we can try and look at what we have.

Maybe for now the best I can do is accept that even as an adult summers looks different, but I am still allowed to eat popsicles and chase fireflies.

Loss is a concept that comes up in therapy all the time.  When I was a social work student, I automatically connected loss with death.  Over the past decade the definition has broadened in so may ways.  Loss can be related to relationships, moving, health, participation in activities, aging and so many other ways.  Loss is inevitable, its what we do next that determines a lot.

Yes, friendships come and go over the course of time, but what about friendships that change.   Sometimes, when I look at old photo albums, I feel a lot of sadness for not putting more effort into maintaining relationships.  Life gets busy, people move forward and some relationship fade away.  I like to believe that does not take away any of the meaning and joy that these people brought to my life when we were closer.  Many of us have those childhood friends that are still in our lives.  Are they still in our lives because we are close, have a lot in common and enjoy spending time together?  Or are they still here because that is just the way it is.

The big question is what do we do with this feeling of loss.  As people, our first instinct is to avoid or dismiss hard feelings.  We want to pretend its no big deal or does not really impact us.  What may the experience be like to sit with this uncomfortable feeling? To acknowledge it and even accept that it exists.  It may feel painful but also may feel really empowering to validate our own feelings and experience.  Loss is such a universal concept and feeling, it just varies how we chose to define it.  I am a believer in broadening this definition in hopes that people find comfort that they are not alone in their loss and it is a very normal experience.

I like to think of myself as a highly non aggressive person, and yet when my friend asked me to go with her to a trial boxing class, I said sure.  Not quite knowing what to expect, I said sure because I also try and practice what I preach which is take risks and get out of my comfort zone.

We got to this class and the instructors wrapped up my hands and wrists, handed me boxing gloves and said go.  Needless to say, boxing is out of my comfort zone.  Within the first few minutes of class, I was paired with another student and told to try and hit them.  Actively trying to hit another person goes against every instinct in by body.  I think I had to say out loud “You want me to try and make contact with someone else’s body?” The answer is yes because they were also trying to hit back at me and that is what boxing is.  Needless to say, no one got hurt, I got a great work out and this was a lot of fun.

It was out of my comfort zone.  I had to own that I did not know what I was doing, probably did not look amazing at it, and yet be ready to participate and join in because that was the point of the class.  Also, no one seemed to care that I was new, they were just focused on their own workout.  I did my best and hope to go back soon and try another class.

The theme is to continue to say yes to new experiences, even when they are unpredictable and maybe a little scary.  I had to challenge that feeling of discomfort and keep moving.  Even though this class was hard, I don’t regret for a minute having a new adventure and saying yes.